


Hope

by Swartmaan



Category: Holby City
Genre: Post-Canon Fix-It, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29011590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swartmaan/pseuds/Swartmaan
Summary: Hope never dies. The first Berena fafiction I wrote created an happy bubble where season 21 and 22 didn't exist. This time I challenged myself to give Berena and happy ending sticking to canon as much as I could. (In my mind this seems so real that it can actually be, eventually).
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Alex Dawson/Bernie Wolfe, Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe, Serena Campbell/Cameron Dunn
Comments: 22
Kudos: 60





	1. Suspension

**Author's Note:**

> This might hurt a little, just keep reading and trust me. Enjoy.

Suspension, that's what Serena had felt since the moment Cam told her about his mother. Not a minute, not a second passed, time simply stopped. She had been through disbelief, fear, she stopped sleeping, though even when working she had never felt really awake. It was all a dream, she kept telling herself, "tomorrow I'll wake up and this will be just a bad memory". She never woke up instead and every day felt like the day before, or the night, how many nights had passed? She was not sure, four? Ten? She wasn't even able to distinguish light from dark, there was too much fog to tell, a gray, thick fog that made it hard to breathe. They hadn't found her body jet, that's what Serena kept repeating herself, that's what Bernie told her in her dreams or hallucinations, she was not sure of how to call them. They hadn't found her body. So Serena kept hoping, and hope made her stand from her bed every morning, made her heartbeat faster, consumed her in a never ending tension. When Alex came with bad news she almost collapsed, it couldn't be real. They found her suite and her identification tag so they were sure, how was it possible? How could a piece of fabric survive an explosion leaving no body behind? How could they be sure they were talking about a body and not a person anymore?  
A closure, they said it was what she needed, how could she? She tossed Bernie back to the field because she needed a closure, because she wanted them to be stuck in the past, where they collected memories that ended up being beautiful. Present hurts, future scares, that's why she made her turn her back again, because she couldn't, she wouldn't be the reason to give up all the rest, what if Bernie was wrong? What if their life together revealed not as good as they hoped? What if growing old would end up in getting more and more not the people they used to love? That's why Serena tossed her Bernie back to where she belonged, because there she belonged, was it? It was, and that place was the one that owned her, now and forever. Or not? The body wasn't there, her perfect, beautiful body, no one had seen it laying down lifeless, no one touched her cold hand, no one looked through her empty eyes. How could she be dead? She wasn't. SHE WASN'T. She couldn't be...  
The fog all around changed colour, thickness, texture, weight. Serena found herself in the middle of a dark syrup, spinning all around, taking light, air and sounds from the world around her. There nausea came. The smell of their office disgusted her, Bernie's chair, well it actually wasn't her chair anymore...was it? Yes, it was. As long as her side of the bed, her cup, the towel she used to use...why did Serena let her leave? Why did she make her? Cam was right, this was her fault. If she didn't mess things up, if she had the nerves to get what she needed, if she avoided doubts and guilt and fear, if...  
If it wasn't too late...  
She cried, she stopped and started sobbing again, could she go on like that forever? She didn't. Soon enough her tears were tired too, her eyes, nose, chest, everything was sick of crying and her head hurt, like hell. Thoughts streamed uncontrolled, but she wasn't able to catch one, they built up an unbearable noise. She slowly got used to that too and so the funeral came. She wasn't bothered by what Alex told her, or her presence there, she understood her, they both knew what loving Berenice Wolfe meant, what she didn't understand was her needing to prove that she had been loved back too. Was her pain so deep that she couldn't understand the ache her words or behaviour caused to others? To Cameron, to her? Probably there was something else, perhaps she hated Serena because when she and Bernie broke up she ended up being the right person in the right place. "I was the love of her life" she said, was she telling that to Serena or to herself? Was it a statement or a prayer, a regret maybe? Serena didn't really care, Bernie had the right to find a more suitable love, something to keep her warm after that cold night of Jason's wedding, she was grateful to Alex for being that, even though that meant that the great love of her life forgot her. "Forget" was it what Bernie did? Was it what she needed to do too? How was it possible to forget those eyes, those wonderful hands, those lips and the way all of those made her feel. She could still recall the exact way she touched her, the first time Bernie kissed her, the first time she made love to her, she had an incredible way of doing that. Serena lost herself in those memories, her face in the dark of her room, the brightness of her gaze. She was never ment to see it again, to live it all again, it was past and...and? She silenced all of the questions that came to her, she needed silence. Sleeping on the sofa was not that bad after all, she lit up the lamp next to it and read Bernie's diary, every night. She somehow still managed to hear her voice. She pictured her hand writing those words down, picking flowers, sticking them to the pages, collecting memories just to let Serena know them, to make her be still a part of her life. Serena often fell asleep there, holding the diary to her chest, almost feeling her partner's heartbeat trough the cover. Pain never leaves, it changes face and sometimes it chooses a face we love. She smiled.

Alex came by again, when she was around there was just one topic allowed. Somehow Serena reminded her of Bernie, she was the only link and the only one she could share her memories with. Cam couldn't take it, despite everything he'd never liked her and never felt like handling a real conversation with her. Serena on the other hand was kind, understanding, in a genuine way, Alex had no doubt. She took care of her not just like the really fine doctor she was, like a friend, that tightened her stomach in a vice. She lied, she needed to. Serena was the one for Bernie, she knew, when she came back from UK she was devastated though she was good at hiding that behind shy smiles and stern gazes. After the first days in silence she started to speak and Serena was always involved in her stories. Alex knew her, she saw pain in her eyes, but it wasn't just that. Serena's name lit something inside of them, a sparkle she had never seen before, not even when they were together. Alex tried to get back to those days, but holding Bernie's hand was not the same, her lips didn't respond anymore, she wished they could but it was in vane. They were never ment to be back together, after all she wasn't back to Nairobi because of her, for her. She was there because of Serena, Bernie told her even tough she never really explained. They managed to be friends at least though that wasn't what Alex wanted, but Serena had no fault, love is not something you choose and she needed to stand out of the way. Serena believed her, that made it even worse, she accepted everything because she had no strength to fight, probably because what she and Bernie had was far beyond appearance and needed no claim. She felt like crying, she hated Bernie for letting her down so easily and never had done that to Serena, until the very end, she bet she died with her name in her mouth, not Alex's. So she hid the truth, to her own self and to everyone, so she made up a fiction and made everyone believe it but her. Despite all she knew the truth and no lie would change that.


	2. Jane Doe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mysterious patient is rescued in Somalia, who is she and who is Serena?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is spiced up with a dose of hurt as well. Enjoy.

A nurse ran to bed 41, as her patient opened her eyes, she was breathing hard, like she had just waken up from a terrifying nightmare.  
"It's okay, you're safe" she tried to calm her down "You're in Mogadishu General Hospital, you're not in danger anymore."  
The woman didn't say anything but her heartbeat started to slow down, her eyes wondering around until they closed again.  
A doctor and a couple of other nurses reached for the bed and kept checking monitors and values, than everyone left. Six months had passed since the unidentified patient was rescued from the desert area at north-east of Degmada Eliwaa in state of half consciousness, several injuries end brain damages. There were other people with minor injuries in the same van, probably prisoners that were left to die in the sun when the gas runned out, unfortunately nothing unusual. An ambulance drove most of the rescued to the neatest camp hospital and an helicopter took the woman to the MGH, for it was the closest big enough structure. She went straight to theatre and as soon as she was out she was laying in status of coma. After nine weeks everyone was expecting the worst to happen but she started to breathe autonomously and opened her eyes. Since that day she had waken up every morning though the rest of her regular functions were absent. She laid in a vegetative state for four months. She sometimes got tachycardic and showed signs of shock, God only knew what happened to her before she was found, terrible things took place every day all around for the hospital was a shelter for those victims of the war with the most serious injuries, civils most of all. They could assume that the patient in bed 41 was a civilian, but they couldn't be sure, she was barely dressed up in some ripped out, dirty clothes, no documents, nothing that could give her a name, a nationality or anything, except from her pale skin and blonde hair that suggested some European origin. The same nurse assisted her every day, spoke to her, tried to obtain signs of her awareness but it was hard and she needed time and patience. You can never assume when a state of minimum consciousness can evolve in a full consciousness, sometimes it never does, and the more time passes the less possibilities are left behind.  
It was late at night when the usual nurse got to bed 41. Jane Doe slowly opened her eyes and followed the steps the woman made to her bed untill she stopped. She probably asked or said something tough she wasn't really expecting an answer. The patient looked strange that night, her eyes and the tip of her nose red, her whole face paler, she didn't look as distant as usual, she looked sad indeed.  
"Is there something wrong?" The nurse asked. Jane Doe stared at her, all of her body struggling to move her lips, to coordinate her tongue and the muscles of her face. Since the day she'd opened her eyes she had never tried to answer questions, doctors thought that she didn't even understand properly, and probably she really didn't but that night something had changed. Jane swallowed and licked her thin, pale, dry lips than collected all of her strength to utter a faint breath "Se..."  
"I don't understand" the nurse said.  
Another gulp, her shaking lips got darker, cyanotic "Wh...r...Se" "na" "Serena" she let out in whispers, than lost touch again.  
The nurse did her best to stabilise her, heart pounding in her throat, they couldn't give up on her, not now that she was back.

Saving lives is always something meaningful, every person has his own story behind and each one touches your heart when it is put in your hands, to take care of it. Being a doctor is challenging, witnessing a patient's personal struggle to survive sends thrills to your spine, specially when it is an hard fight against death. Everyone was way more than excited when Jane Doe definitely woke up, she was confused and couldn't remember a thing, but she was awake, she was alive. The leader of the ward, doctor Tadalesh Cabdi, went to visit her as soon as she regained consciousness, after a quick check he nodded to the nurse so she spoke: "Hi, you scared us" she smiled "I'm Hani and me and this handsome guy are going to take good care of you. The doctor said you're getting better soon...you...when you woke up you said a name: Serena, is it your name?"  
The blonde woman inside the bed didn't answer, she shook her head and started crying. "I don't know" she finally managed to say.  
They didn't want to stress her, of course, so they soon decided to leave her alone, to rest, get used to the environment, figure out the whole situation, everything looked new to her, and it was perfectly normal.  
The following days went on, every small step forward mattered, Dr. Cabdi and Hani helped the woman with the easiest things for she had to learn again how to speak, eat and walk properly, an almost eight months coma was not something easy to deal with but she was strong, she wanted to get through it, and her resolution gave them a lot of hope. After a few days the nurse was checking out her patients and finally headed back to the most challenging one, she felt a particular affection for her, she would have done anything to help.  
"How are you doing tonight?" She asked  
Jane smiled from her bed.  
"Do you fancy a talk?"  
Another smile made Hani sit down next to her, than she spoke again.  
"Do you have a daughter?" She asked "I saw the scar of your c section" she explained noticing her interlocutor's wondering eye.  
"Serena...is it your daughter?"  
The patient closed her eyes for a second, trying to collect her memories, she sow a picture in her mind, a middle aged, beautiful woman with short grizzled hair, her skin naked as she layed asleep by her side. She looked at the nurse with shining wet eyes and shook her head.  
"No, she is not my daughter" she let out in a strong British accent.  
"Do you remember her? Who is she?"  
The patient stayed in silence for a while than let out a faint laugh:  
"My wife".  
Hani widened her eyes at that, she had just woken up after all that time and her first thought was for her wife, that single thought gave her the strength to fight, she didn't let herself die not to leave a woman that was probably now grieving for her, without even a body to cry on. She needed to know more, she needed to find Serena, wherever she was. She had the duty to bring those two women together.

"Dr. Cabdi, can I talk to you?"  
"Hani! Sure, what's up?" He said with a friendly smile.  
"Well, it's about our Jane Doe..." She lingered, trying to reorganise her thoughts.  
"There must be a way to make her help us, I mean to help her helping us...oh God, what I'm trying to say is..." "There must be something she left behind."  
"Except for Serena, you mean?"  
"Yeah..." She sighed "how are we supposed to find her? There are millions of women with that name in the world... it's just..." She started to tear up.  
"Oh come on, we can take our time... pushing her won't serve the cause."  
"We've got no time, Tad, God knows where there is a family grieving, not even knowing if it's worth."  
"Lower your voice, here, come. Sit" he gently said, taking his colleague outside, on a bench.  
"How do we know there actually is a family involved? It's been more than eight months and no one came knocking. How do we know there is someone looking for her?"  
"Well, Serena...it seems to be her wife, she remembers her and I want to believe her."  
"Don't you think you're getting a little too involved? He suggested. Hani sighed and looked down, than placed her eyes on Tadalesh once again. He'd always been steadyer than her, well she was a little too emotional.  
"Maybe you're right, but I won't let it go. I don't know why, but I've got this feeling. Are you with me?"  
Tadalesh rolled his eyes but gently smiled, she was his best friend after all.  
"You're crazy, you know that. But yes, I'm with you."

Dr. Cabdi and Hani got back to bed 41 with some blank sheets of paper and a pen, they often let patients with amnesia write down their thoughts, they sometimes made drawings, even scribbles gave the mind something stable to lean on. Jane started with a few parallel lines, vertical, small at first, than bigger, she wrote with a sure hand, probably she was an architect or engineer or sort of, she seemed used to precise straight lines. It took her some more days to write letters, an "S" of course, and than eyes, a tree, a peach. She knew the story of a girl who ate a peach, she used to tell that to her children. Did she have children? How many? Where were they now? Were they involved in the explosion? Wait, what? An explosion? When?  
When her nurse and doctor came by she didn't know how to ask. She let them talk first.  
"Did your house have a garden?" Hani asked pointing at the drawing.  
"I-I...it...I don't know, I u-used to ehm... maybe the explosion destroyed that...my house I mean..." she stuttered, her eyes, looking somewhere down, didn't see the surprised gaze the two shared.  
"An explosion you said?" Tadalesh lingered trying to make her focus on that single memory.  
"I thought that I would die, I thought I would have never been able to tell Serena I was sorry...I didn't, right?" She hardly held her tears, why did she feel like that? What was she sorry for? Where was Serena? Was she still thinking about her? Why shouldn't it be, she was her wife after all, was she? Of course she was, she catched the bouquet, she remembered, there was something else, something sad, something that was still able to build a lump in her throat. No mattered how hard she tried though, there where too many things missing, her head was a mess.

Tadalesh and Hani didn't know what to say, she was terribly hurt and they couldn't do anything to help her, if they only knew where to start their quest. Tadalesh placed a hand on Jane's shoulder "You are not dead, so we can still do it, we will find her, I promise you". He had never felt so resolved, he looked that broken woman in the eyes and simply refused to let her down, he had something in his mind but needed to talk to his friend for that.

"Are you serious?" Hani started as soon as they were far enough.  
"I've got a feeling, that's what you say? She said there was an explosion in which she almost died, when we found her she was almost dead, and her injuries, well they were pretty ascribable to an explosion."  
"Yes, they were but there is war outside, Tadalesh, explosion happen every day around here"  
"Well yes, but she is English and she can hardly be here for a holiday."  
"I don't think I'm following."  
"Where do you find many English people around here? Where was there a big explosion, exactly eight months, two weeks, and what, five days from now?"  
The nurse looked confused but that could actually make sense.  
"The Baidoa Security Training Centre...Do you think she is a soldier?"  
"Well, she is pretty tough, isn't she?" He smiled in excitement. They couldn't rush things up though, they knew so they made some research. The news said that several people had been injuried, five were killed and a body was missing. The following news reported slightly different numbers and the last article told that the suite and identification tag of Major Berenice Wolfe was found not far from blast site though the body was still missing. There had been a funeral but they found no picture. Heart pounding in their throats, they decided to try and call the British High Commission Nairobi.


	3. Anticipation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title speaks for itself. With the intent of fitting the original story, here you are, pain is served. Enjoy.

"I told you that I was the love of her life, but I wasn't. You were."   
Serena broke down again. For all that time she had leaned on the knowledge that Bernie moved on, that she managed to live without her, managed to love without her, that she did the right thing pushing her back to the army, that she gave her the chance to live a life she could really call hers. A lie. It was all a lie. She wasn't mad at Alex, she disappeared along with the sound of her voice as she stopped talking. Only the awareness stayed and the noise begun to grow louder again. That night her eyes were incapable to focus the pages of Bernie's diary. When she was alone she couldn't ignore the unrest of her gut. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, but every one seemed to add fuel to the fire. What had she done? How could she believe that Bernie forgot her so easily? She deceived herself but why? Bernie didn't want to leave, she did it because she told her.  
"If anyone hurts you I'll be on the first plane home" she said and at the moment Serena wished she could still honour the pledge. She held the diary tight and spoke in a faint breath:  
"Come back, Wolfe, please".

Six months later

It was 2 p.m. when the head of the Nairobi British Military Hospital received a call from the Mogadishu General Hospital, they were taking care of a middle aged, tall, blonde woman, they thought she was involved in the blast that devastated the Baidoa Security Training Centre last summer, she had been through an eight months coma, first opened her eyes after nine weeks than passed through vegetative and minimum consciousness stage and was now recovering. She had few memories and didn't know her name but she asked for "Serena", her wife or sort of. General Christopher Bennet couldn't believe his ears: Berenice Wolfe was alive.

One week earlier

It was half past six a.m. when a burning ache in Serena's neck woke her up, she had fallen asleep on the sofa, again, that wasn't doing any good to her aged body. All of that pretending everything was fine, all of that pushing herself through the day was not doing any good either. Since the day she came back from her grieving leave things had never been the same anymore, she was starting to get sick of that life, she could tell herself she was just tired but she knew it wasn't that easy. She walked through the ward with that thought in her mind day in and day out, then she met Alex again, she told her there was a job in Kenya and everything became clear. Fletch helped her recording a video to take leave of her AAU family and soon she felt lighter. As much as she was trying to avoid hugs and teared up goodbyes she was glad to hold Jason, Rick, Donna an Cam one last time, they had a special room in her heart but she didn't feel sorry for leaving them all behind. She had to face the truth, she needed to get out of that stillness, she had to do what she should have done months before, Holby wasn't her place anymore, and to be honest, the hospital didn't need her any longer. She felt a thrill running down her spine, an excitement twisting her gut and couldn't keep still. Was she ment to feel like that? Seeing Alex that day showed her the elephant in the room, drinking up her night and days over the same handwritten pages, watching old photos, whiting never meant to be sent letters and exhausting her body by walking to familiar places and crying didn't really help. She needed to get through that more than abrupt brake up but she had never managed to do that from Holby, miles away from Bernie, from the place she blessed with her lest breath. She swept a small tear from her cheek as booking her flight to Nairobi, packed a few things and called Jason to take her to the airport and say goodbye again, not sure if she would be coming back.

The plane ride felt shorter than it was meant to be for Serena spaced out, daydreaming, captured by memories and expectations. When she landed she found herself in the middle of a warm African afternoon, the sun already strong enough to burn her skin tough it was the first week of April and summer was still some way away. She met some Alex's friend who was renting a small house in town and settled down before sunset. She looked out the window, the view was breath-taking, she wandered how many times Bernie had stood in front of that violently red sky, purple slowly overcoming the daylight, taking millions of stars with it. She would have done anything to have her there, holding her from behind like she used to do...She closed her eyes and for a second she actually felt like she was there. That was the reason she came to Nairobi after all, to feel her close by living the life she used to live, the life that took her away.  
Serena suddenly felt tired, too many emotions perhaps, probably the eight hours flight, she didn't know and didn't want to. In the morning she was meant to visit the military hospital and Bernie's grave, maybe that could make a point to that senseless quest, something that Serena desperately needed, though didn't feel quite right.  
Bernie's colleagues greeted her like you greet a widow, she had never considered herself one, that made sense she assumed but somewhere deep down she knew she didn't deserve that. She wasn't Bernie's wife, she'd never been brave enough to get there, but despite everything, everyone seemed to know her, like she was an hold friend. Serena was starting to regret her decision, she thought she needed to come to terms with reality but the price seemed too steep to pay. A tall, really good looking young man offered to take her to the graveyard, he knew Bernie pretty well, his eyes where as sad as Serena's when he spoke, there was also some kind of ill-concealed regret.  
"This must be really hard for you" he said.  
"Bernie always talked about you, you seemed to be the the best couple on earth."   
Was it supposed to make her feel better? It wasn't really working.   
"Not since I forced her back in here, practically digged her grave with my hands an pushed her in it, it's not exactly the typical loving wife behaviour, is it?" Serena barked, tears forming in her eyes.  
"I know what you feel like, Serena" the man said, not affected at all by the woman's roughness. "I keep telling myself that I should have been in her place, beside her at least, when..." He swallowed his tears before they coul fall. "This is not your fault, as much as it's not mine."  
He stopped as they reached their destination. "See? I promised you I would bring her" he smiled to gray, perfectly even out stone at his feet. "I'll leave you to this, you know where to find me" he added in a lower tone, this time speaking to Serena. She looked at him as he walked his way back, her heart breaking more with each step, than turned her attention to the headstone. It looked just like she expected it to, stern, simple, silent. There were just Bernie's name and the dates of birth and death, written with dark gun metal grey steel characters on the right, and a small picture of her with her suite in an oval shaped frame of the same material on the left.   
"You seem to evoke love in everyone you meet, major. You deserved better than this..."  
"You, you should have stopped me, for Christ's sake, you should have slapped me right in the face that night...how could I be this blind?"  
"Did you really had no other way to show me I was wrong? That you were that fucking right sort of animal? That I was ment to be with you or be nothing at all? DID YOU HAVE NO OTHER WAY BUT DIE, BERNIE? REALLY?" She was almost drowning in her own tears, she wasn't expecting herself to hold that grudge but had the only strength to surrender. She hated Bernie or herself or both, she regretted every single thing she did to make the other woman walk out the door, but it was too late, too late to make things up, too late to apologize or even to say goodbye. Even though she had much better ones, the picture of Bernie leaving Alby's in her black coat and green scarf was her last memory...she'd never told her how well that colour suited her, it was late for that too. She fell on her knees and cried, for what felt like ages. When she calmed down a little she was exhausted, she softly brushed the portrait with a shaking hand, something felt terribly wrong. "Who am I talking to?" She asked to the photo "You're not even down here, only God knows where you lay".  
"Is it real that you can hear me from where you are? You need to know I'm sorry, love... I need you to know... please." A few more minutes passed, Serena was still, eyes glued to the steel letters. "Did you think about me when... I've never stopped thinking about you" her mind went to Cameron, she was glad this time he wasn't by her side, he wouldn't have been able to take her behaviour, she hardly did herself this time, now that she didn't have to be strong for someone else. 

Four days later Alex was back in Nairobi, Serena wasn't sure if she was ready to see her though, since she had spent most of the time awake in an unbelievable cold bed, sunk into an always dump pillow. She was tired, she thought that seeing Bernie's grave woul have helped her but it didn't. It felt like there was still something missing, she constantly felt like she was waiting for something but there was nothing to wait for, was it?  
She left the house at six in the morning, she had a couple of missed calls from Alex so she promised herself to call her later, maybe her usually good spirits would do her good, along with getting back to work, even in Kenya. She enjoyed the dawn for the first time in a long period, the air was still fresh at such an hour, a gentle breeze coming to caress her face.  
After a short phone call Serena went to the Military Hospital to meet Alex and thought about saying hi to the kind young man she met a few days before. He was glad to see her again and the pair chatted for a while until duty called him back and they said their goodbyes. It was lunch time when Serena finally managed to sit down with Alex. She told her more about the job, on the grounds that she wasn't in the army she could work at the camp hospital as a volunteer, or she could ask for a casual labour in there until she found a more stable position. Serena had never imagined herself on the frontline but she had to admit it was quite exciting. She wasn't that different from her partner she thought, ex partner actually.   
It was 2 p.m when Jackson (Serena finally asked for his name) came looking for her. He told her that the head of the Hospital wanted to see her, though he didn't know the reason. She immediately felt the usually constant senseless tension growing in her gut, her heart pounding in her throat, what was she so concerned about? She could have done anything wrong, she didn't work there yet, could they be bad news? What sort of news could be that bad to justify her panic? In a few minutes she was seated on the hardest chair on Earth, her hands damp and shaking. When General Christopher Bennet spoke all of her anxiety made sense and the chair became soft all of a sudden, so she feared it would absorb her. She thought she heard it wrong at first, that simply couldn't be, she desperately felt the need to wake up if that was all a dream. It was not. Serena went out of the office and murmured something to Alex, she tried to ignore the pounding sound in her ears then tried again, louder this time.  
"They found Bernie" "she is alive" she hurried to add to make sure she wasn't talking about a corpse. Alex widened her eyes in disbelief and started crying.  
"They said she doesn't remember much but...well they're not even sure it's her...they want me to go and find out I think, she asked about me or something like that...not sure" she looked at the other woman's slightly disappointed expression so made it fast to ask her if she felt like joining but Alex look at her dead in the eyes and smiled a little. "I think you should go first, alone... I'm sure you're everything she needs now."  
"Thank you" Serena whispered, she didn't know why but holding Alex in her harms felt the right thing to do.


	4. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Berena happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you can forgive me now for the last hurting chapters. As usual, enjoy.

As the army plane landed Serena's nausea became heavier, proving it had nothing to do with the flight. A car was already waiting for her and fortunately the driver wasn't in the mood of chatting, probably an army thing she nervously smiled. The Mogadishu General Hospital was a large structure, slightly intimidating with the uncountable number of glass eyes staring dawn at her. She walked through the automatic door like it was the entrance of the abyss and announced herself at the reception desk. Soon she saw a tall man approaching, he had thick, short black hair, deep eyes and his full lips were spread in a genuine smile that showed his perfectly white teeth. He was doctor Tadalesh Cabdi, leader of the ICU and the young woman at his side was Hani, his friend and the best nurse in the hospital, he said. She had a warm, kind gaze, something Serena considered quite reassuring.  
"Serena?" She smiled in anticipation.  
"Serena Campbell, in person" the other woman tossed out, her nerves betrayed her effort to sound neutral.  
The doctor asked her to follow him with no other words, something she was grateful for. The steps they made echoed in her empty head, she couldn't let herself linger on the same thoughts over and over. She had spent the all journey to Somalia repeating herself that they weren't sure it was her, that she was sent there that quickly to give a response.  
"We want to make sure you know she can possibly be not the person you're thinking" Dr. Cabdi called her out of the blue.  
Serena just nodded but forced herself to answer with a blunt "I'm aware of this, Dr. Cabdi, thank you."  
They stopped by a closed door, bed 40, 41 and 42 were inside, the plaque informed. Serena wondered which bed Bernie was in...what if she wasn't? What if, after walking through the door, she found herself in front of a stranger? That woman didn't even remember her own name, why did they put her in that position?  
Hani got inside and talked to the patient, apparently the only one in the room.  
"Yes, it's okay" a deep, warm voice came from there, it was Bernie's voice, Serena could swear to it, tough a part of her still held her from fully believing that. Dr. Cabdi was still by her side, but in a position that let him look inside, he nodded to the nurse and turned to Serena, he said something but she could barely tell that thanks to the pounding of her heart sounding loud in her ears. The moment she stepped inside lasted forever and when her eyes layed on the figure inside bed 41 her heart stopped. Not a day had passed since the night at Alby's, her hair looked just the same, always messy but beautiful, her eyes warmer than anything else.   
"Serena" she called,  
"Bernie" a shy smile blossomed on her face, she felt like dreaming tough it was way more vivid than her usual dreams.  
She seated next to her on the bed not looking away.  
"God, I can't believe it's you. How are you? Stupid question, I'm sorry" Serena let out fast, laughing at her own unease.  
"I'm fine. The worst is gone, I assume" Bernie's voice was the most tender caress. Her eyes run from Serena's ones to her cheeks, lips, hair, in the effort of capturing as much of that figure as it was possible.  
Serena put her hand on the bed, the cotton sheet felt so real along with the close heath irradiating from the other woman's thigh. She didn't dare to touch her like you don't dare to touch a ghost, she feared she would just dissolve into thin air if she did.  
"It's me" Bernie whispered pressing her lips together in a fine line, the left corner wrinkled up in the usual bashful expression that Serena loved. Than again made the first move, fearless doctor. The moment their hands touched Serena gave in, she let out all of her fears, regrets, doubts in a cleansing cry, air reaching her lungs trough her sobs for the first time in months. Bernie pulled her in her ambrace like she had done so many times before and immediately felt her reciprocating. Bernie's body was solid in Serena's arms, her skin and hair had the texture her lips remembered as her kisses tried to recover the lost time.  
"Don't you dare leaving me again, Wolfe" she intimated but in a gentle whisper.  
"Aye, aye, Captain" she laughed, her fingers caressing Serena's hair as she bit her lips, those tempting lips. Serena let herself do what she had coveted since Jason's wedding and kissed them for what she wished was hours, days, years, she knew she could have spent the rest of her life on those soft, sweet, perfect lips, why the hell did she let all of that go?  
When Serena pulled back she noticed Hani's figure, had she been there all the time?  
"I'm sorry to interrupt" her eyes redden and slightly watery told that yes, she had. "Doctor Cabdi wants to see you." "Don't worry, she'll be right back" she winked at Bernie. The couple shared one last brief kiss and Serena left.  
She headed to the doctor's office and sit down opposite him.  
"We are really happy to see you here and to see that everything went well, Mrs Campbell."  
Mrs? Who did they think she was?  
"We need to discuss a few things tough" he paused and his smile immediately faded.  
"She was in very critical conditions when we found her, she had five broken ribs and a massive internal bleed. She's been through a really long surgery, but what scared us the most was her brain. Her crane was damaged too so there was a bleed that spread from the frontal lobe to the temporal and reached the amygdala, we did everything we could but the haemorrhagic shock was notable and that lead her to a coma of the third grade. This means that..."  
"She won't probably get her memory back." Serena concluded. "I actually know how thing like this go, Dr.Cabdi" "consultant general surgeon at Holby City Hospital" she said.  
"A colleague, great! So we both know this in not going to be easy. Though she is responding well to the treatments, it took her nine weeks to wake up and damages..."  
"Can be permanent after that long" she told almost to herself.  
"I'm afraid so, Mrs Campbell." There was a long pause than Serena scarcely more then muttered.  
"It's Ms. Campbell, actually" she corrected.  
"Excuse me, aren't you married? she said you were her wife..."  
Those words startled Serena, did Bernie really think of her like her wife?  
"Not actually, not really...we...I, it's complicated. I...I should have been. I..." She felt like crying, oh really? Again? "I should have never let her leave" yes, really.  
"None of this is your fault, Ms. Campbell" he tried to comfort her. "You're actually the one that saved her".  
Serena looked even more confused now.  
"Of course we were lucky to find and treat her before it was too late, but we know it's not this easy. She wanted to live, she fought as hard as she could, because she couldn't live certain things unsaid, I assume. She woke up and the first thing she said was your name, she wanted us to find you and so we did. I don't know what she remembers about you, and I don't know what you were...but she desperately wanted you to know she was sorry."  
Bernie? Sorry? What was she sorry for? Serena cheated, Serena got scared about a million senseless things, she was the one that made clear she was done with that relationship, because she was a coward. She was the one that had to be sorry, not Bernie.  
"I'll talk to her" Serena said but there was much more going on in her mind. Time had come for her to be honest, with herself most of all. Life bad given her not just a second chance, but the queen of second chances, and she would have never wasted a single day of her life any longer.

First of all she had to share good news, with Alex and with Cameron, of course. They came by in the following days. Alex was leaving to Syria she told, but promised to keep in touch one way or another. Cam on the other hand moved to a b&b in Mogadishu for he spend most of the day at the hospital, next to his mother. Serena had never seen him so happy. Bernie needed physiotherapy so Serena rent a flat in town and Cam joined her. Serena never really thought of him as her stepson but since they started to live together that idea had stopped feeling so weird. She loved taking care of that precious young man. One night they came back home from the hospital as usual, Serena had a shower and made her way to the kitchen. Cameron wasn't much of a talker but that night he hadn't let out a single breath, something was clearly bothering him. Once the meal was served he was forced to sit and to look right at Serena. He had Bernie's hazelnut, puppy eyes, she thought and instinctively smiled at him. As far as she knew the Wolfes she knew that her role in that was just waiting and saying nothing, they would find the right words and speak, eventually.  
"I think I owe you some apologies, Serena"  
Here we are, Serena thought.  
"I was mad, I didn't have the right to say what I said...not to you. I should have respected your pain, I've been selfish and I'm sorry. I knew you loved mum, I know you do."  
"Oh Cam, there is no need to apologize. I knew it's been hard for you, I know you didn't mean those things. Of course I wish we could have gone through that together but I understand you were not ready for that."  
"We've never given ourselves the chance to be a family, but we can do it now." She smiled as Cam dried his eyes and nodded at her.  
"Thank you, Serena...do I have to call you 'mum'?" He awkwardly giggled.  
"You don't have to do anything, sweetheart. Eat, now, your dinner must be ice cold" She joked, succeeding in making him smile back.  
That night Serena went to bed smiling at her perfect family, as soon as possible they would visit Holby all together, where Jason was waiting for them. She looked at the still empty spot beside her: Bernie was the only one missing in that picture, but now she knew she wouldn't be long.  
Five weeks later Cameron had to get back to London but kept in touch with Serena and his mother and videocalled them regularly. When Serena thought things couldn't be more perfect, Dr. Cabdi asked to see her in office once more.  
The woman sat on the comfortable leather chair way more light-hearted that the last time.  
"All yours, doctor" she teased.  
He showed her his perfect, shining smile and talked: "We are really impressed about how fast Ms. Wolfe is recovering. She still needs to see a doctor every week but I think she can be assisted from home from now on"  
Serena's jaw dropped open. Was it for real?  
"It's wonderful. It's great news" she could barely hold her joy at the moment. "Do...do you really think she is ready? I mean..."  
"She's going to be fine" Tadalesh Cabdi stopped her. "And I think I have the right to say we are leaving her in more than good hands."  
"Thank you" Serena nodded, only one year before she would have called herself a fool if she believed she would have been able to bring Bernie back home but now she was, only a few weeks before the anniversary of the most devastating day of her life after Elinor's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about a little bonus chapter for this story, let me know if you'd like to read that and of course feel free to comment.


	5. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally home. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter is officially on!  
> Thank you Joann for the back to Holby hint.

"Home sweet home" Serena said once they were both inside than closed the door behind them.  
The major looked around for a little time"I like it"   
"You don't have to say it" Serena knew the flat was nothing more than a place to sleep in, surely not the comfortable house she had in Holby.  
"In know...like it still" Bernie murmured   
Serena couldn't help a smile at her partner's shy tenderness, she couldn't help her desire to kiss her pale lips either. They held themselves in that exchange a little longer that they expected, savouring the familiar feeling of being home together.  
"Jason wants us to call him as soon as you've seen the house, remember?" Serena whispered in the silence of the flat, her feet not touching the ground yet, her breath still halt beated. "I think he wants an exclusive feedback" she ads in a joking tone.  
"Alright" Bernie nods, "what was his wife name?" It was the third time she asked probably, she seemed to have a problem with her name.  
"Greta" Serena patiently answered  
"Right, Jason and Greta, I remember"   
"Here" Serena said lifting her iPad.  
"Good morning aunty Serena, aunty Bernie, how are you?"  
"I'm fine Jason, I like the house and I like being at home. Are Guinevere and...Greta (yes) alright?"  
"We're all fine. Do you think that Somalia is your home now?" He looked slightly disappointed.  
"I guess that home can be in various places, Jason"  
"So you're not coming back to Holby?"  
"Jason!" Serena chipped in "aunty Bernie is still recovering, we've got plenty of time to discuss this."  
Bernie couldn't help a laugh at that, she really missed Jason. "Of course I'll be back to see you all" she promised. The conversation went on a little longer than they said goodbye.  
They had never really discussed about their near future plans, not actually. Since the first time Serena and Cameron spoke to Bernie about her former life, home, job, they had all agreed on going back to England, to Holby but they hadn't decided if that was meant to be a few days visit or something long-term. Serena hadn't sold her house jet, well she was still paying for the two-room apartment she rent in Nairobi actually, for the unexpected twists of events made it impossible for her to give the owner the adequate advance notice.   
In an hour the lunch was served, Serena definitely wasn't a chef but she knew that whatever dish she made would make a good impression compared to the hospital food. The other woman seemed to appreciate and Serena tried to put on the future-plans topic.   
"I haven't resigned from the rental agreement in Nairobi yet, you know, not definitely...If you like we can go and stay there for a while before getting back to Holby."  
"Are you suggesting to move in the following days?"  
"I don't know, you can have your physiotherapy in there...I bet that everyone of your former colleagues will be more than glad to see you."  
"But we have just come home, I don't know if I want to leave already."  
"There's no hurry, I'll ask Jackson to take care of the matter, some of my stuff is still there, and I really don't know a thing about postal service in Kenya. Except for that the deadline for the contract is in a couple of weeks from today, than I only have to sign a sheet of paper and the house won't be mine anymore...I think the owner can send it to me so I won't need to be back there until you'll feel like moving."  
There were a lot of informations to process and Bernie didn't feel quite ready for that. Serena was really caring tough, and made her more relaxed about the whole situation.  
"I think we're better staying here for a while than we can go to Nairobi to say hi and head back to UK". Bernie proposed.  
"Fine, so it's decided. Honestly, I'm looking forward for you to meet everyone again." Serena excitement made her eyes even brighter, the other woman thought from behind her long, probably too long, messed up fringe. She had flashes of faces and voices, she had started to build up a picture of her former life thanks to the long sessions of storytelling Serena gave her every day but she wasn't sure how much of that came from memories of from her imagination. They talked about Dom and Fletch and Rick, and Donna, they were not just the closest friends they had in the AAU Family but were involved in many of the stories about them as a couple, those Bernie could never get tired of.  
The afternoon flied with pleasurable chatters on the couch and laughters.  
"I wonder how can you be able to see where you're going with that hair covering your eyes all the time" Serena said at some point.  
"It seems to be a lack of hairdressers in hospitals nowadays" Bernie's renewed sarcasm gave.  
"Well you happened to be a lucky girl, I always cut my friends hair when we were in college and too broke to afford a saloon".  
"You're full of surprises, Campbell" the other woman laughed but agreed to that college-time revival. She had a shower and got dressed in some of Serena's clothes, her partner's smell on her own skin sent butterflies to her stomach so that she would avoid shopping for the rest of her life.   
She had to admit it, Serena's skillful hands were hardly able to make something bad or shoddy, the major thought at her own picture in the mirror. She dried her hair and Serena went to the kitchen to get some dinner ready. She didn't hear her partner approaching from her back but definitely felt her warm breath on her shoulder and her arms around her waist. Bernie knew she wasn't her wife, they talked about that, about their last night together, about the catching-the-bouquet situation and what they didn't let happen next, about their broken promise and broken hearts. Despite everything their domestic life together felt right, the natural course of the events. What she said to Jason, she meant it, home could be in various places but she could hardly imagine a home without Serena. The next time Bernie found herself engaged in guessing she was sit on the bed she shared with her partner, waiting for her to come out the bathroom. The feeling of her soft skin was no matter what stuck to her fingers. She'd never had the chance to fully explore that memory in the past weeks but at the moment it was her only wish.  
"Don't" Bernie said from the bed as the other woman got in, a large towel wrapped around her body as she looked through the drawers to pick her clothes. "Don't get dressed, please"  
Serena smiled at her, slightly startled by that request. She reached for her side of the bed and let her towel slip from her body, lingered for a moment under her partner's gaze. She had aged, and the fatigue of last year was evident on her but she was just as beautiful as Bernie remembered. She smiled back to her and waited for her to get under the sheets, than rolled on her right side to face her. They looked at each other as if trying to recall long gone memories or simply absorbing their presence, than Bernie spoke: "You know what I thought on the first night you spent at my place?"  
"No" Serena smiled "What did you think?"  
"You were asleep and I couldn't take my eyes off you...I thought that was a picture I was never ment to forget."  
She didn't in fact, despite all she remembered, Serena noticed; she felt tears coming to her eyes. They kissed and soon and in a feather caress Bernie's clothes were off her body. Serena looked at her chest, her skin was pale and almost translucent but there was something she had never seen before, a dark pink scar was running down her stomach and a few other healed scars and bruises were spread all around.  
"My God" she said under her breath "what did they do to you?"  
Bernie had never thought about that, the worst was over, she really believed that. She tried to take pity away from her lover's eyes with a tender smile "I'm fine, Serena. I really am". She brushed her beautiful grizzled hair and pulled her back in a kiss, wetter this time, but soft. Their hands found their natural way down each other bodies, like they were used to but like it was their very first time. It wasn't all about pleasure, well it had never been just that, it was about reunion with something that belonged to them an to which they belonged.   
"Serena" Bernie called as reaching for her climax "look at me".  
Serena did as she was told, there was nothing that voice wasn't able to make her do. They saw their pleasure reaching the very top as looking into each other eyes, cheeks blushed up, lips ajar untill they met again in a kiss. They pressed their slightly sweaty, warm skin tighter together than Serena finally layed down on the mattress. She closed her eyes at the sound of Bernie's breath on her neck, she was fine, Bernie was fine, the world could go around. It was late at night when sleep took them into their first happy night in a long time, they were home, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely support you gave me with this story, I'm still working on that special thing I promised you and hope I'll be able to show you soon. Any further suggestion is very welcome and of course feel free to comment.


End file.
